I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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