Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Randomize
