do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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