you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize