I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
