Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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