We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
