Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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