By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
