I CAN MOONWALK!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
