Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
