I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he fucked my hip out of place.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
