i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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