She said her name was "party"
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
