just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
