Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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