I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
