At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
