I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I need moral support for this bender
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
The air taste purple.
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