i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
