my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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