yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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