My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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