Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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