Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
