my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
