do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
