I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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