Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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