I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
