shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
