I puked a lego.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize