she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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