do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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