Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
