she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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