I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
