Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
And then he peed in my hair
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