There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
