I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Damn victory sex feels great
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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