I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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