textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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