I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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