Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
