There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Bring me that man meat
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
