I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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