Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
