He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
