May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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