You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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