fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
