Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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