I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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