glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
from now on my penis is your penis
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
