That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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