I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
