Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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