he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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