My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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