Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
well you can't waste a boner
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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