Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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