I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
