my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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