Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
All I want is dick and wine.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
