he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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