She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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