I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
