You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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