I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
