I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
