i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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