I cannot find my penis.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
